We have a strange relationship with the concept of pride in British culture. I was raised with the mantra ‘pride before a fall’, meaning that prideful behaviour would be promptly rewarded with a sharp fall from grace. This old saying highlights the link we make in our culture between pride and shame and our innate mistrust of self-confident expressions of success. It imprints a superstitious fear of feeling or expressing pride in personal achievement. No-one wants that ‘fall’.
When our Diploma groups complete their two year course we play them a Goodbye presentation with the backing track of ‘Proud’ by M People. The lyrics are worth a read.
I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary, I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way, can't stop me now and you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people if you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Still so many answers I don't know
Realize that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary, I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way, can't stop me now and you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What the song is describing is the elated feelings that go with authentic pride, the pride we feel when we genuinely achieve something. Researchers distinguish authentic pride from hubristic pride. Hubristic pride is the self-aggrandising, inflation of self that is often associated with arrogance and narcissism, whereas authentic pride supports sincere self-esteem and positive, rewarding relationships. It is hubristic pride that comes before a fall, not authentic pride.
I think we need to take a moment to allow ourselves to feel genuine, authentic pride in whatever we have managed to do to survive 2020. It has been a year unlike any other and I am sure that each and every one of us has something to be proud of in the way we have navigated this year.
It could be home schooling your children, adapting to working from home, learning to use Zoom or Microsoft Teams, shopping for an elderly relative or neighbour. Or it could be admitting that you can’t cope alone, that you need help from others to manage, that you have your limits. These are all things to be genuinely proud of.
Gratitude gets a better press in our culture and it definitely good for our mental health to feel grateful. But let’s have a moment to feel proud. We are doing ok. We are ok. We, you, they, all of us, are enough.
If you need any help or support with your sex life or your relationships please contact us at Sex Therapy Herts.
For general counselling support please contact Local Counselling Centre.
Both services have online therapy options.
Happy New from the CICS Team xx
